Falling in Love
Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose
Published August 17th 1999 by Routledge – 304 pages
How mystical is love really? Sought after, capable of sending us to emotional extremes from abysmal misery to irrepressible joy, love is often perceived as a force beyond mortal control. Is it as dumb, blind or arbitrary as we often think, and are we subject to its whims? Or do we actually choose carefully, if not always wisely, the partners we do?
Falling in Love shows us that we both consciously and unconsciously select those with whom we have intimate relationships. Written by a renowned psychologist and couple's therapist, this fascinating, engaging mix of psychological research and clinical anecdotes discusses how each of us can, through successful intimate partnerships, help ourselves to grow as individuals. Each chapter concludes with suggestions for those seeking love, and explains how self-knowledge is the foundation to a healthy, satisfying relationship.
'Ayala Pines takes aim and sends her Cupid's arrow straight at us with this brilliant work, and we cannot help but fall in love with it and what it teaches us about love in our lives. Both a clinical tour de force and a rich practical guide.' - Dale Larson, Ph.D., author of The Helper's Journey and Associate Professor and Director at the Counseling Psychology Program, Santa Clara University, USA
'A couples' therapist's clinical look at how and why we fall in love removes some of the mystery from that most magical of human experiences…Not a how-to guide for the lovelorn but a serious, research-oriented work of special interest to those involved in couples' therapy.' - Kirkus Reviews
'If you expect no definitive answers on either the conscious or unconscious nature of falling in love and making it work, if you are looking for a plausible excuse to examine the intimate relationships of those around you and, perhaps, your own, if you're interested in relationships in the abstract, whether 'true' in its conclusions or not, FALLING IN LOVE is a fascinating book on an ever engrossing topic.' - Isadora Alman, San Francisco Bay Guardian
Acknowledgements. Introduction. About Falling in Love and About this Book. Part I:
Conscious Romantic Choices, Increasing the Likelihood of Falling in Love. Proximity, the Hidden Matchmaker. Adrenalin, The Elixir of Love. Beauty and Character. Birds of a Feather or Opposites Attract? Reciprocating Love and Satisfying Needs, We Love Those Who Love Us. The Course of Romantic Love, Falling in Love as a Process. On Men, Women, and Love, The Role of Status and Beauty. Part II: Unconscious Romantic Choices, Our Romantic Attraction Code. Openness to Love. The Son Falls in Love With "Mother," The Daughter With "Father". The Unconscious Romantic Image. Four Stories. Part III: Romantic Love in Long Term Relationships.
How to Turn Love Problems into Opportunities for Growth. Love and Work: The Relationships Between their Unconscious Choices. Appendixes. I Romantic Choices Workshops. II Analyzing a Romantic Relationship. III Research Findings. Notes. References. About the Author. Photo Permissions. Index.
Ayala Malach Pines is a clinical, social, and organizational psychologist and the head of the department of Business Administration at the School of Management, Ben-Gurion University in Israel. She is both an American and Israeli citizen, and has specialized in couples therapy for many years, with extensive experience in both countries. She has authored ten books, twenty book chapters, and over seventy scholarly research articles. Her books have been translated into many different languages, including French, German, Spanish, Hungarian, Greek, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Hebrew, and Turkish.